Thoughts on Growing Up

Hey everyone!

It's a Monday morning in a very chilly NYC. I'm sitting on the 3rd floor bridge doing a little people-watching and staring down Lexington Avenue. From up here, the taxis look like giant toy cars. Everyone's going about their day: rushing, worrying, shivering (haha).
This past weekend, one of my friends from high school asked me if I wanted to come visit our old school with him on Friday. I would have loved to go, but I have class all day Friday. I went back three times last year, and it was so nice to see everyone. People always say that high school is the best four years of your life. I don't know how true that is, but it definitely was a place for me to grow and challenge myself.

High school is so different from college though. I remember how there was a lot of pressure to do well. But the pressure in college is about 10x greater. In high school, my future goals and career seemed so far away. The one big worry that I had in high school was getting the best grades so I could get into a good college. Getting into a good college seemed like the most important thing at the time. Now that I've actually been in college for almost two years, I've realized that getting here is only the first step in the beginning of a long process. The most important thing is to do something substantial here. Not to just pass the time, but to push myself, to grow, and to hopefully succeed. In high school, I felt like I was just waiting for my life to start. I think that's a common feeling, but it's not a very positive one. I felt like I had all the time in the world, and I would get to do everything once I was finally an "adult". But the truth is, your life begins the moment you take your first breath. You have to live the fullest life you can at all times in your life. Everything that I've ever wanted to be, to see, and to do is right near my grasp, and that honestly scares me. I have the immense responsibility of making the right choices to get to my goals, and that thrills me and freaks me out.

I remember graduating from elementary school and seeing in the yearbook, "You're about to enter the real world." I remember not really understanding what that meant. What real world? Wasn't I already living in the "real world"? But over the last decade or so, I've begun to get an idea of what that phrase means. It's about learning that life isn't fair, it's about responsibility, it's about choices, and it's about facing your own greatest fears and desires. When I first entered college, I remember being on the train and looking at everyone and realizing that I was one of the youngest people there. It was a weird feeling. They all looked so tired.  They were clinging to coffee cups, and they seemed completely absorbed in their phones. I remember thinking that I never wanted to be like that. So worn out . I wanted to always smile and see the best in people and in myself. It's funny because now, when I look around on the train, I realize that in some ways I've become one of those bleary-eyed "adults". Some days, none of this seems real. Like I'll just wake up and be back in a high school classroom. In many ways, high school was comforting because you could put off facing your future. It was also frustrating because of the lack of freedom. In college, it seems like I have all of the freedom in the world, but the future is no longer a dream. It's now become something tangible.

Wow. That was a long post. It's too early in the morning for so much introspection. haha.

Enjoy your spring break, everyone!! Study, sleep, laugh, and be well. The time we have is precious.

I heard this week's song relatively recently. It's got great lyrics.

S.

Song of the Week

You let all the girls go
Makes you feel good, don't it?
Behind your Broadway show
I heard a boy say, "Please don't hurt me."

You've carried on so long.
You couldn't stop if you tried it.
You've built your wall so high
That no one could climb it.
But I'm gonna try.

"Beneath Your Beautiful" by Labrinth featuring Emeli Sandé