It's a rainy Monday in the city and I'm wondering, "Where is spring?!?!"
I want flowers and sunshine and warmth. I always feel a bit more "alive" when spring begins. I feel a sort of renewal in energy and hope. And I never want to seem to do any work once spring comes around. I just feel like sitting on the grass in Central Park and staring at all of the pretty flowers and letting the sun do its magic. haha. Random thought: I always wonder what it's like for a bear to wake up from its winter-long hibernation. It must be so nice to not have to deal with the cold weather and to just wake up with all of nature green and fresh again. Don't get me wrong though. There are some great things about winter: the snow, the holidays, and awesome fashion. But there's something about the warmth of the sun that makes everything seem like it's going to be all right.
Thursday, I made some time to hang out with one of my friends who I haven't seen in weeks. It's amazing how you can go to the same school as someone and never see him/her. We're all on different schedules trying to be the perfect students, and I think that sometimes we let the people in our lives become second to everything else. It was so weird because even when I was with my friend, I was feeling guilty because I wasn't studying for orgo. It sounds insane, but I've been feeling like this more often recently. Sometimes it's hard to separate "play" from "homework/studying/school stuff". When I went to a general interest meeting hosted by a dean from Cornell Med. School, she said something that really stuck with me. She said something like, "When you're working, work hard. And when you're having fun, just have fun. Don't feel guilty about it." This means minimize daydreaming, Facebook/Tumblr/Twitter use, and listening to loud music while writing that essay or studying for that exam. I break this rule all of the time. I find myself listening to pop music while studying for stuff and I'm just like "I need to stop doing this." I've gotten into the habit of either having no music at all or just having classical or instrumental stuff playing. I find my brain focuses a bit better when I'm not listening to Lady Gaga (even though she is really awesome). It's weird because even when I have no visible distractions around me, my brain will create its own distractions. I'll start thinking about food, worrying about how I'm going to do on my next exam, something that made me sad/angry/happy that day, just ANYTHING. I try to just push it all out and focus on the page in front me and take it all in. And then, after I've done some work, I'll go clean for a bit (cleaning has an odd relaxing effect on me) and blast some music. It's important to tell yourself that your hard work is worth it. Knowledge is the most powerful thing in the world. And the only way to get it is to spend many hours struggling and reading and focusing and eventually having "aha!" moments (aren't those amazing??).
The second part of what the dean said is something I struggle with as well. I have to tell myself it's ok to watch Gordon Ramsay cursing at those chefs on Hell's Kitchen (because he is so funny) or watching Nicki Minaj acting really weird on American Idol or singing along to Bruno Mars' awesome songs or daydreaming or watching an awesome movie or doing things with your friends and family. It's ok to do all of those things. But it's not ok to do those things all of the time. Have fun, but know when to stop. It's so tough to figure that out, and maybe none of us ever will. The point is we have to be balanced people. I have no intention of turning into one of those neurotic adults who work all of the time or into one of those people who watch too much TV and spend way too much time with social media and have no real goals and no "real" life. I want to be a full person with a minimal amount of craziness in my life. And I think it's possible. At least I hope it is.
Instead of a song, this week I'm highlighting a poem. It is by the amazing Eve Ensler who's written some fantastic things about the lives of girls around the world.
Here are excerpts from "I Am an Emotional Creature":
I love being a girl.
I can feel what you're feeling
as you're feeling it inside
the feeling
before.
I am an emotional creature.
Things do not come to me
as intellectual theories or hard-shaped ideas.
They pulse through my organs and legs
and burn up my ears.
...
I am an emotional creature.
I love that I do not take things lightly.
Everything is intense to me.
The way I walk in the street.
The way my mother wakes me up.
The way I hear bad news.
The way it's unbearable when I lose.
...
I love that I can feel the inside
of the feelings in you,
even if it stops my life
even if it hurts too much
or takes me off track
even if it breaks my heart.
It makes me responsible.
I am an emotional
I am an emotional, devotional,
incandotional, creature.
And I love, hear me,
love love love
being a girl.
To read the entire poem click here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eve-ensler/i-am-an-emotional-creatur_b_468801.html
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