Dear everyone,
It's May first and the sun has never been lovelier!
I was kind of sleep deprived this week, and that combined with a bunch of tests right after the other, a video I spent wayyyy too much time editing, and some major decisions to make (pun intended), I had a bad week. It's no one's fault but mine, and it was a bit unpleasant, but I always end up finding the things that happen to be hilarious. Here is what occurred during my version of the Depths of Despair:
I began falling into walls and being confused at what elevator button to push. I spouted random book quotes at acquaintances out of context. I played "Let's Sing Karaoke!" in microbiology lab (inappropriate timing, to say the least, though I think my lab-mates did enjoy a rousing round of "I Want It Thaaaat Way," and "I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)" especially since our microbes were not being particularly absorbing at the time), and fell asleep on floors (solid, comfortable material, floors are), in addition to accidentally thwacking my head on the subway window pane (to the great amusement of old ladies nearby). I acted irrationally defensive against my friends, had fights with them due to said defensiveness, blew some things out of proportion, cried at the smallest things, ranging from sad scenes in Grave of the Fireflies (which was good, but quite sad), to people being nice to me
(For example: "Hey, you almost left your ID card!
"Oh my gosh...<sob>...I don't deserve this kindness... I'm so sorry for everything" <more sobbing>" -Me)
My room, which I normally upkeep because I am randomly uptight about it's neatness, became overwhelmed with piles of monstrous messes of clothing, pots, cups and papers. I found myself missing several pants and I'm not sure what I really ate, unless a kindly friend had seen my waywardness and forced some food upon me. I became obsessed with the state of my hair and wrote poems about it, as it truly did resemble an undignified version of Aslan's mane. I found myself wearing only one earring and running out of clothes, because I lost my ID and couldn't do laundry. I even, oddly, cried of laughter when Marshall from HIMYM pretended his hand was getting cut off, because he adopted a southern-belle-like accent and I, too, share a fascination with adopting a southern-belle-accent in faux-dramatic situations. I didn't go running for the entire week, which hasn't happened for about 3 months. I guess I'm usually pretty upbeat and happy, so if I'm just a little quieter than usual people can tell something's wrong. I actually feel like I must've been acting really quite the crazy-woman because I had about five friends come to check up on me from time to time. Unfortunately, I managed to treat two of my best friends to the demeanor and manners of the lunatic I appeared to be channeling. At least, if all goes downhill, your friends will be there for you, even if you've alienated them and been utterly unpredictable.
Internal unhappiness or discontent always shows on the outside for me, I can't seem to hide it at all! I was relatively upset that my group couldn't present in class the day we were supposed to because we had prepared extensively to present on that very day, and a bunch of my classmates and my teacher took it upon themselves to offer their condolences because I must have been wearing quite a sour expression. I don't actually even realize how much of my emotion shows on my face...even like, librarians will tell me to cheer up if I'm in line and I've got some kind of regretful face on about whatever I'm thinking about. But really, the reason for my very lame attitude is that my major hasn't taken off yet and is truly in a waiting period, and I don't know if I'm studying what I'm meant to be studying. This "finding yourself" thing is so angsty and annoying.
The high point in my week was reading Little Women on iBooks, because I finally finished it (never read it when I was younger) and it was just too good. Normally I'd go on about "the feeeeels!" but unlike a fantasy novel's feels, the feels in this book were real and deep. I'd like to shoutout and say Jo's proposal in the rain when she looks completely hideous and it's muddy and her hands are full and she's utterly disgruntled and resembles nothing like a fair maiden that everyone dreams to look like during a proposal, is my ideal romantic proposal! Because as it says, it didn't matter how she looked, because to him she was the most beautiful woman on the earth. And after that I decided to damn myself to procrastination and watched Anne of Green Gables videos because those, really, are just the best.
On a slightly funny note, a classmate gave me a compliment on my attire and I realized I had no idea how to respond to it. Internally, I was like, Oh no. It's a compliment. Compliment?!
C o m p L i M En t?! Whatever do I do with it?! Naturally, I took a beat to respond and said, "Oh thanks! I now have a reason to live life again"
I don't think my classmate responded.
I mean, I was joking, because I hate taking compliments. Not that I'm a hideous girl worthy of the name Agatha (sorry if your name is Agatha. I'm sure you're pretty, I'm only semi-joking here), but I just can't take compliments well so I feel obligated to turn it around or turn it into a joke. However, I realized that a classmate or acquaintance of mine may not realize that I am making a weird-Amirah joke and may think I'm awkward/in love with them. Hopefully they'll think they've misheard me. Must work on this.
Moving on, I have learned from this week that I need to get my shit together! And that's not just because the security guards grump at me when my ID is lost (why? Why can't they EVER just be upbeat? I feel like they judge me so hard when I straggle in with grocery bags and take 5 minutes to find my ID). Me and the brookdale security guards seriously have a lot of beef sometimes. Our interactions are usually pointless arguments, thoughtful glares, and a lot of sighing on their part (mainly when I take long to find my ID or have left it upstairs, because look, it's mad inconvenient sometimes to carry your ID with you when you run out to get your delivery or to go chat with someone outside for .08 seconds, and ain't nobody got time for that!).
It's as if leaving my ID in my room is the Biggest Crime of The World and I Had Better Feel Bad Because It Ruined Their Day. While I know the whole Security-Guard vs Amirah beef is fascinating, back to the getting-life-together thing. It's okay to explain your weird behavior with "I'm having a bad week," but you can't explain being moody by saying "I'm just having a bad five weeks." No one I love has died, I have friends and family who tolerate my antics, I can shower whenever I like, I've got sour gummies by my side, I've got stacks of secret books to read when I want to slack off, I have food if I need it and all in all, what excuse have I got for not doing, or rather, being, the best I can?
Let us hope such a thought stays with me through finals.
Oh! I may be going to Spain for the summer to study abroad. Let's hope that works out!
Amirah
PS. Also, my plant, which I fondly named Engelbert, has gone missing. I am afraid he's fallen under my bed..Engelbert never had a chance. I am genuinely sad about this loss, I was even planning to decorate his plant pot.
PPS I used the word "finagle" appropriately in a sentence. This has given me joy
PPPS Have discovered that, when I am in the depths of despair, country music and the song "your man" by Josh Turner really makes me feel better, even though everyone seems to think his extremely deep voice is cheesy
PPPPS Realized that when Anne was in the Depths of Despair, she was also anguished about her hair and even dyed it green. Am glad that I can relate to Anne in this way and that I have not yet dyed it green, though, curiously, whenever I do feel very upset I always have the urge to radically change my hair.
PPPPPS Is it socially acceptable to reference Anne of Green Gables in one's blog this much? Is it?
PPPPPPS Also, this is hilarious and beautiful and I've even bookmarked it, and read it, for it joy will be wrought upon your day as never before (I rarely bookmark things, so view this with high value now): http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/steps-to-instantly-make-your-day-better
PPPPPPPS Odd that "wrought" and "wreak" are so different. The English language, I tell you. I'm not sure if I used "wrought" correctly above...oh well, English majors, I hope I have indeed wrought frustration upon you.
It's late, I'm going to stop, I need a filter sometimes, I swear.
It's May first and the sun has never been lovelier!
I was kind of sleep deprived this week, and that combined with a bunch of tests right after the other, a video I spent wayyyy too much time editing, and some major decisions to make (pun intended), I had a bad week. It's no one's fault but mine, and it was a bit unpleasant, but I always end up finding the things that happen to be hilarious. Here is what occurred during my version of the Depths of Despair:
I began falling into walls and being confused at what elevator button to push. I spouted random book quotes at acquaintances out of context. I played "Let's Sing Karaoke!" in microbiology lab (inappropriate timing, to say the least, though I think my lab-mates did enjoy a rousing round of "I Want It Thaaaat Way," and "I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)" especially since our microbes were not being particularly absorbing at the time), and fell asleep on floors (solid, comfortable material, floors are), in addition to accidentally thwacking my head on the subway window pane (to the great amusement of old ladies nearby). I acted irrationally defensive against my friends, had fights with them due to said defensiveness, blew some things out of proportion, cried at the smallest things, ranging from sad scenes in Grave of the Fireflies (which was good, but quite sad), to people being nice to me
(For example: "Hey, you almost left your ID card!
"Oh my gosh...<sob>...I don't deserve this kindness... I'm so sorry for everything" <more sobbing>" -Me)
My room, which I normally upkeep because I am randomly uptight about it's neatness, became overwhelmed with piles of monstrous messes of clothing, pots, cups and papers. I found myself missing several pants and I'm not sure what I really ate, unless a kindly friend had seen my waywardness and forced some food upon me. I became obsessed with the state of my hair and wrote poems about it, as it truly did resemble an undignified version of Aslan's mane. I found myself wearing only one earring and running out of clothes, because I lost my ID and couldn't do laundry. I even, oddly, cried of laughter when Marshall from HIMYM pretended his hand was getting cut off, because he adopted a southern-belle-like accent and I, too, share a fascination with adopting a southern-belle-accent in faux-dramatic situations. I didn't go running for the entire week, which hasn't happened for about 3 months. I guess I'm usually pretty upbeat and happy, so if I'm just a little quieter than usual people can tell something's wrong. I actually feel like I must've been acting really quite the crazy-woman because I had about five friends come to check up on me from time to time. Unfortunately, I managed to treat two of my best friends to the demeanor and manners of the lunatic I appeared to be channeling. At least, if all goes downhill, your friends will be there for you, even if you've alienated them and been utterly unpredictable.
Internal unhappiness or discontent always shows on the outside for me, I can't seem to hide it at all! I was relatively upset that my group couldn't present in class the day we were supposed to because we had prepared extensively to present on that very day, and a bunch of my classmates and my teacher took it upon themselves to offer their condolences because I must have been wearing quite a sour expression. I don't actually even realize how much of my emotion shows on my face...even like, librarians will tell me to cheer up if I'm in line and I've got some kind of regretful face on about whatever I'm thinking about. But really, the reason for my very lame attitude is that my major hasn't taken off yet and is truly in a waiting period, and I don't know if I'm studying what I'm meant to be studying. This "finding yourself" thing is so angsty and annoying.
The high point in my week was reading Little Women on iBooks, because I finally finished it (never read it when I was younger) and it was just too good. Normally I'd go on about "the feeeeels!" but unlike a fantasy novel's feels, the feels in this book were real and deep. I'd like to shoutout and say Jo's proposal in the rain when she looks completely hideous and it's muddy and her hands are full and she's utterly disgruntled and resembles nothing like a fair maiden that everyone dreams to look like during a proposal, is my ideal romantic proposal! Because as it says, it didn't matter how she looked, because to him she was the most beautiful woman on the earth. And after that I decided to damn myself to procrastination and watched Anne of Green Gables videos because those, really, are just the best.
On a slightly funny note, a classmate gave me a compliment on my attire and I realized I had no idea how to respond to it. Internally, I was like, Oh no. It's a compliment. Compliment?!
C o m p L i M En t?! Whatever do I do with it?! Naturally, I took a beat to respond and said, "Oh thanks! I now have a reason to live life again"
I don't think my classmate responded.
I mean, I was joking, because I hate taking compliments. Not that I'm a hideous girl worthy of the name Agatha (sorry if your name is Agatha. I'm sure you're pretty, I'm only semi-joking here), but I just can't take compliments well so I feel obligated to turn it around or turn it into a joke. However, I realized that a classmate or acquaintance of mine may not realize that I am making a weird-Amirah joke and may think I'm awkward/in love with them. Hopefully they'll think they've misheard me. Must work on this.
Moving on, I have learned from this week that I need to get my shit together! And that's not just because the security guards grump at me when my ID is lost (why? Why can't they EVER just be upbeat? I feel like they judge me so hard when I straggle in with grocery bags and take 5 minutes to find my ID). Me and the brookdale security guards seriously have a lot of beef sometimes. Our interactions are usually pointless arguments, thoughtful glares, and a lot of sighing on their part (mainly when I take long to find my ID or have left it upstairs, because look, it's mad inconvenient sometimes to carry your ID with you when you run out to get your delivery or to go chat with someone outside for .08 seconds, and ain't nobody got time for that!).
It's as if leaving my ID in my room is the Biggest Crime of The World and I Had Better Feel Bad Because It Ruined Their Day. While I know the whole Security-Guard vs Amirah beef is fascinating, back to the getting-life-together thing. It's okay to explain your weird behavior with "I'm having a bad week," but you can't explain being moody by saying "I'm just having a bad five weeks." No one I love has died, I have friends and family who tolerate my antics, I can shower whenever I like, I've got sour gummies by my side, I've got stacks of secret books to read when I want to slack off, I have food if I need it and all in all, what excuse have I got for not doing, or rather, being, the best I can?
Let us hope such a thought stays with me through finals.
Oh! I may be going to Spain for the summer to study abroad. Let's hope that works out!
Amirah
PS. Also, my plant, which I fondly named Engelbert, has gone missing. I am afraid he's fallen under my bed..Engelbert never had a chance. I am genuinely sad about this loss, I was even planning to decorate his plant pot.
PPS I used the word "finagle" appropriately in a sentence. This has given me joy
PPPS Have discovered that, when I am in the depths of despair, country music and the song "your man" by Josh Turner really makes me feel better, even though everyone seems to think his extremely deep voice is cheesy
PPPPS Realized that when Anne was in the Depths of Despair, she was also anguished about her hair and even dyed it green. Am glad that I can relate to Anne in this way and that I have not yet dyed it green, though, curiously, whenever I do feel very upset I always have the urge to radically change my hair.
PPPPPS Is it socially acceptable to reference Anne of Green Gables in one's blog this much? Is it?
PPPPPPS Also, this is hilarious and beautiful and I've even bookmarked it, and read it, for it joy will be wrought upon your day as never before (I rarely bookmark things, so view this with high value now): http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/steps-to-instantly-make-your-day-better
PPPPPPPS Odd that "wrought" and "wreak" are so different. The English language, I tell you. I'm not sure if I used "wrought" correctly above...oh well, English majors, I hope I have indeed wrought frustration upon you.
It's late, I'm going to stop, I need a filter sometimes, I swear.
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