Trial and Error

Hey everyone! If you've been reading the MacBlog for awhile (the last two years or so), you'll recognize this common sentiment of mine, namely: sorry it's taken me so long to get around to writing a post, I apologize profusely, I've been meaning to do it for awhile, etc.

Apologies aside, here I am, back on the MacBlog for my fifth semester at Macaulay. Things have been kind of slow and simultaneously hectic for me lately. After much bureaucratic runaround, I was denied from taking a grad level journalism class at CUNY's J-School because (and this is serious) I filed the e-permit too late. In fact, the filing date was exactly two days after I had heard about this opportunity from the Macaulay Monday newsletter. In anticipation of this class, I had amended my schedule to four classes (a measly 12 credits), and had turned down an editorial internship I had been offered. So what was supposed to be a stimulating and productive semester turned into a very slow and kind of dull one, as I am taking only four classes and am frustratingly bored.

Needless to say, I am very disappointed not only in the system that failed to notify me (and the person who posted the opportunity) of this deadline, but the bureaucracy that couldn't find a way around this. The only lesson to be gleaned of my experience is this: anticipate that things will go wrong, and always have a backup plan.

This experience has left me open to other opportunities, some of which I have yet to take advantage of (something which I chide myself about nearly hourly). I want to join some type of newspaper/editorial newsletter/writing group that would develop my writing/editing/op-ed skills. I want to get involved in clubs and submit my poetry to different competitions and magazines. And yet I find myself absorbed in Descartes' Meditations. I find myself doubting even the simplest of my poems, my writing, my opinions. I make excuses for not joining clubs.

And so the resolution for this semester (and if not this semester, this year), is to join a club, get an internship, or otherwise get some type of writing/editing experience under my belt. Last week I went to a joint presentation by Columbia, Berkeley, and CUNY's J-Schools, and as I listened to the speakers discuss the profession of journalism and all that it entails, I started to panic. I looked around at each and every student in that room (who, of course, all seemed 150% more prepared for this than me), and wondered why I was even bothering with this. I wondered if I was cut out for it. I questioned myself and my career choices. Halfway through my college career, I changed my mind about being a college professor, instead thinking about a career in journalism. The more I think about these two professions, however, the less certain I am about either of them.

This is immensely frustrating for me. I am not a person who lives well with indecision, yet I am terrible at making decisions (especially really big ones about my career, future, and where to invest a whopping $80K on grad school, or if I should even do this). When you come to college, they give you that worn out line about how "it's ok to be undecided, we want you to explore lots of different options!" That sentiment never changes, you just get more panicky as you go along and move closer to being in the real world. I know it's totally normal to be undecided at the beginning of your junior year. I know someone who just recently switched majors. She's starting from the ground up. On the other hand, I know lots of people who knew what they wanted to do when they got to college, and immediately set out to get there. I thought I was one of those people, but now I'm not so sure.

I only know one thing for certain: the only way to find out how I feel about a profession is to plunge into it headfirst. I need the experience to let me know how I will feel about being a journalist. I know a lot of people will say an internship is just a stepping stone to getting a job in the field you want. But I think it's better to look at an internship as a trial run for a job. You really have no idea what's it's going to be like to be a dentist, doctor, teacher, or journalist until you try it out. There's a trial-and-error feeling to internships. You may end up doing something you vehemently hate, but at least you did it and found out what you don't like.

And so I'll end it with this anecdote. This summer, I stayed home and helped my dad clean out the basement of our house in preparation for our move (we have about 40 years of stuff down there, collected throughout my parents' lives). In cleaning out our file cabinets, we came across a poster my father had made at one point in his job search. It listed his different jobs, his time as a student, and different hobbies and clubs he was in. Under each experience, he had written what he liked and disliked about it and what he learned from it. At the end, he wrote a list of his skills, as well as things he was looking for in a job based on what he liked and disliked about the experiences he had had so far in his life.

I encourage everyone to do this. Think about an experience you had, as a student, in a club, at a job. Think about what you liked and what you disliked about that experience. Think about what you're good at, what you're mediocre at, what you despise entirely. Mapping out these aspects of your experience might get you one step closer to understanding what type of person you are, what you're good at, and what you value. These are the things that will help you decide what career you want.

And of course, your life may take you down many roads (as my father's did) and you may have a change in talents, loves, and desires (as most of us do). But as you move into the workforce, really think about what you're passionate about and follow it. At least dip your foot into a career and see what it has to offer. Trial and error is everything.