The End is Here?

Hi, everyone!

The title of this post has a question mark right after it because I still have one more big thing to do before I can say good-bye to college: Macaulay graduation. Ahhh.

I had my Hunter graduation this past Wednesday. It ended up being a great day, but we were running late the whole day. haha. My hair appointment was scheduled for 11 AM, but I didn't end up sitting in the chair until about 50 minutes later because it took an hour to do the curls of the girl before me. But anyway, my mom and I got our hair done and rushed out of there to go home and get dressed. We got home at the time that we originally wanted to leave for graduation. :p We got dressed and hightailed it to the train station. We got to MSG a few minutes after 2 PM (which is when they recommended everyone to show up) so the timing ended up being fine. But then it was kind of a mess at MSG because I couldn't figure out where I had to go to line up. My friend from middle school (who was graduating with me) ended up running into me, and we eventually found our way to where we had to be. haha. Thank God for her.

The ceremony was absolutely beautiful and emotional and lovely. Sitting in the theater at MSG, watching President Raab highlight so many amazing students in our graduating class, hearing the words of encouragement from the speakers, and watching the confetti coming down on us (and hearing "A Sky Full Of Stars" at the same time) are all things that I'll never forget.

A piece of confetti, the program, and a pom-pom. haha

I had to get that MSG shot. Forgive the misplaced hood. I couldn't get it to sit quite right. haha

Floral all day. 

For the last few weeks, I've been telling everyone that finishing college hasn't hit me yet, but I think it's finally hitting me now. After graduation, we came home, we had shish kebabs, and I posted a picture of myself in a cap and gown on Facebook, but it was only yesterday that I said the words "I'm a college graduate" to myself and had my own OMG moment.

It also hasn't felt like the end because I'm applying to med school, and I'm still at Hunter all the time taking care of business related to that. It's not a clear good-bye like it was in high school. I think that's actually a good thing though because I'm blessed to still be able to use my Macaulay advisor post-graduation to figure out this whole med school thing. I also just want to be a great alumna and to give back my time and money to make Hunter (and Macaulay Hunter) a continuously better place for students.

Plus, even though I had a more solid good-bye with high school, I've gone back to visit a bunch of times. I went back three times during my freshman year and once every year since. haha. What can I say? When you spend so much time in one place and the people there mean a lot to you, then you should make the effort to continue those relationships.

Both Macaulay and Hunter ask graduating students to contribute to a senior class gift as a way to give back for all that we've received. They ask for $20.15 (in honor of our graduating year), but students are welcome to give more or less than that. I was happy to give $20 to each, and I hope to continue giving back in the years to come. And hopefully in greater amounts as I start to make money. haha

Some things that make me proud of my college experience:

1. Getting over my fear of escalators. Before I started college, I avoided escalators like the plague. I have a lifelong fear of heights, and escalators had always freaked me out with their dizzying heights and unstable nature. When I first visited Hunter as part of a campus tour at the end of my junior year of high school, I freaked out about the escalators in the main building. Just weeks into my freshman year at Hunter, I was over my fear. haha.

2. Never pulling an all-nighter. Seriously. I've only stayed up until 12:30 AM.

3. Working directly with patients. I remember the butterflies in my stomach before walking into my first patient room. And then, how quickly it began to feel natural.

4. Working in a lab. Working in a professional lab gave me a lot of respect for what scientists do everyday and made me comfortable in the lab environment.

5. Making good friends. I'm happy to say that I'm still friends with people that I met during my first couple of weeks of college. My friends have given me a lot of good memories and opened up my world more than they could know.

6. Being in a study group. One of those friends that I met during that semester is the one who started our bio study group. The five of us (others joined us for some sessions but didn't stay permanently) studied together for two semesters. I didn't believe in study groups before this one, and now, I tell everyone that they're a great idea if done right.

7. Love. That's all I'll say about that. ;)

8. Re-imagining my style. I started adding more skirts and dresses to my wardrobe and just paying more attention to what I wear. It's been a lot of fun exploring my style.

9. Picking myself up after Orgo I. I had difficult first half of my sophomore year because of my struggles with taking Orgo I along with 4 other classes. But then, I came back that second semester and got myself an A- in Orgo II. One of the happiest moments in college.

And finally....

10. Not giving up. I kept on going through all of the anxiety-ridden moments. I stayed and persisted and just kept moving. And believe me, there were a number of times when I felt like I was drowning in anxiety. But I've made it my mission to learn how to deal with whatever is thrown at me. I haven't mastered it yet (and maybe I never will), but just paying attention to my breath and giving myself time to rest has done wonders.

Only one more post left...

S.

For this last semester, I've decided that I'll share one cool/interesting/thought-provoking thing that I happen to run across during the week:

Commencement photos

The End Is Near...

Hi, everyone!

A quick Saturday night post for you guys...

The semester officially ends tomorrow, which is also when I have to submit my last paper. Then, Wednesday, I'm graduating from Hunter. The following Tuesday, I'm graduating from Macaulay. And then, summer and the rest of my life. haha

I took my last exam on Thursday. Wrote in a blue book for the last time.

It all feels surreal. I'm ready to graduate and go on, but I also find myself memorizing the way the Hunter bridges look and how it feels to go up the escalators and sit in a classroom. Things that I will yearn to remember one day. Things that feel so fresh in my mind now but will be a distant memory one day.

On Wednesday night, Hunter hosted a dinner for Macaulay students. I'm so glad that I went because I got see some Macaulay students that I haven't seen in a long time. We all had dinner together and toasted to the rest of our lives. Hunter's president was there and the Macaulay Hunter director was there and they both said beautiful things about us. There were also a few faculty members including my seminar 4 professor who ended up sitting at my table. His class is one that I will always remember, and I'm so glad that he was there that night.

Yesterday, my partner and I at The Macaulay Messenger met with the new co-editors-in-chief to discuss their responsibilities for next year. I'm so proud of what we've done this year, and I know that they will do even better.

I've started watching Orange Is the New Black! I know, I know. I'm late. haha.

S.

For this last semester, I've decided that I'll share one cool/interesting/thought-provoking thing that I happen to run across during the week:

Swearing Off the Modern Man

Many things happening...

Hi, everyone!

It's late on a Friday night, and I'm exhausted. It's the end of the semester (I sat in my last class ever yesterday. What?! ), and a lot of things are going on. Finals, the medical school application process, senior events, wrapping up my involvement in student organizations, graduation stuff, planning for my summer job, and a bunch of personal things as well. Ahhh. It's a lot, but I know I can do it with the help of my calendar, my breathing, and sleep. haha.

I went to my last MSC meeting today. I've enjoyed going to these meetings all year and seeing how events get planned and how ideas become something tangible. I hope it's something that gets continually better over the years, and I hope that you all get involved with it if you choose to come to Macaulay. :)

I had a lot of awesome food this week. haha

Monday: buffet at Red Olive (they have all kinds of good stuff) and a lamb shawarma sandwich at the King of Falafel and Shawarma food truck in Astoria (good price and awesome flavor)

Wednesday: all you can eat buffet at Andaz (I've talked about this place before, and it's a must try. I ate way too much and was like a waddling penguin afterwards. haha)

Thursday: Cheesecake at Eileen's (I've also talked about Eileen's before. Definitely the best cheesecake that I've had. Soft and creamy and just perfect.)

Friday: Pizza at the MSC meeting courtesy of Macaulay (cheesy goodness as always)

I also took 2 exams this week, and I'm hoping that I did well on them. Sigh. Exam anxiety is one part of college that I won't miss. Luckily, many med schools are pass/fail now so there's less of a stress.

I also got both sets of graduations tickets (Macaulay and Hunter) on Monday. Ayy. And I also have both sets of caps and gowns. So exciting.

I'll be writing a paper this weekend. I'm going to try to make it as painless for myself as possible. Just get it done so that I can move on to other things on my to-do list. That means more focusing, less time on BuzzFeed. haha

S.

For this last semester, I've decided that I'll share one cool/interesting/thought-provoking thing that I happen to run across during the week:

Love through the ages

Journeying through Nursing School

I'm so tired, but this is one of the last few of my posts EVER on this blog and today was the last day of nursing school, so I feel it's a bit momentous.

I'll be honest, I didn't love nursing before I started nursing school. Then whyever did you apply, Amirah, if you were so sure that your passions lay in film, teaching, english and journalism? Because, I was undecided, and nursing was secure. I thought it was dumb and that anyone with a minimum education could do it because nurses have had a terrible image in the media. But, my friends, this is a lie, because it is one of the toughest undergrad majors there is. I believe this is because it's sort of like condensed undergrad medical school. Also, it wasn't dumb, on account of how my GPA has dropped because it was so very challenging. We do hours of rotations, then a preceptorship (96 hours in one month! Go me!) at the very end all while taking pharmacology or pathophysiology classes in addition to 8credit nursing lecture classes. It is impossible a) not to become a cult group with your nursing friends b) not to love your nursing friends to DEATH because nursing friendships are truly a different kind of friendship. When you wipe butts together, live under constant fear of failure and study seemingly impossible material together, you're bonded for life. My peers were so supportive, so caring, genuine, smart and funny that from the first day I couldn't help but love the career I convinced myself I would hate. I am clumsy, a bit of a daydreamer, and hate(d) needles. But I found out that I loved the human body (proud college moment: getting a 100 on an A&P lab test); that I could draw blood on others without shriveling up (while I hate needles, I'm ok with putting them in others); that needles are useful for medication-drawing; that there's nothing more I love than working with my geriatric patients; that I want to be just like the inspiring faculty I've met here; that endless access to alcohol swabs is life-changing; that running around is what I'm best at; that talking to patients comes naturally and I love being able in a position to help others; that I look decent in scrubs and maybe it's fate that I'm in a career where I can just where the same thing every day cuz I'm really excellent at that; that I'm really, really proud of the way nursing is a lifestyle and not just a profession; that the opportunities and fields in nursing are endless. Nursing earned my respect, and it deserves it.

I came into the program feeling like I'd relinquished my love for English and writing and found that there was a nursing newsletter I could join. I thought nursing closed doors to me - because I couldn't double major, minor, or take too many outside classes - but I was so wrong. It is SO cliche. But I've never been so happy to be wrong and to have grown to love something the way I did with nursing. Hunter-Bellevue changed my life. I cared more about my health - because you can't be a nurse without making healthy lifestyle adjustments - and got mini abs from running these past 5 months! I love nurses and the kind of people that become nurses. They are so kind, and dedicated.

Am I still crazy frightened about a) passing the NCLEX and b) honing my skills as a nurse? YES. Because it is a TOUGH JOB. Being on your feet for 12 hours a shift? Having lives in your hands? I wanted to go straight to grad school because I love being a student, but I've finally accepted that becoming comfortable with my skills as a nurse is a lot more important right now. And for those other passions - journalism, english, media, teaching - of mine? I found a way to follow my English passion in nursing and I know that there's a dire need for nursing faculty. I'm interested in media portrayals of nursing and....I think I'll try to find a way to make it all work. Otherwise, I'll be okay following my love of film by marathoning at home. You can always make your passion a hobby.
I'm excited and terrified to join the field and care for people. I'm anxious about the school to work transition. I'm sad to leave my friends; I'm emotional about being on the "cusp of adulthood" but mostly, I'm glad I've made it this far.

Amirah

PS. May is great, and so busy, much events!
PPS. THEY CANCELED THE MINDY PROJECT AND MY LIFE IS OVER!

Mole, Exams, and Difficulties

Hi, everyone!

I only have five posts left on this blog. Ahhh.

We have been blessed with gorgeous weather this week. Finally. haha. Consistently good weather which I hope will last. I feel like I'm always talking about the weather on this blog. haha. Especially how much I love when spring comes in full force and the sun graces us again. Like right now, I see the sun shining outside my window. And I hear the birds chirping. It's beautiful.

So I have 2 exams next week. Cancer bio and endocrinology. I'm looking to get good scores on both. I want to finish strong. :)

Especially since I got back my second endo exam yesterday, and I didn't do as well as I thought. :(

So now I have to rock this next one on Monday. Ah, the pressure. But it's all good. At least I like the material.

After having my mood be a bit ruined by that score, the day much improved when I gave my presentation for my Our Bodies, Our Politics class. The presentation gave a synopsis of my final project for the class, which focuses on surgeries involving female genitalia including labiaplasties, hymenoplasties, etc. It's a topic that doesn't get talked about as often as it should so I'm glad that I got a chance to educate people about it.

My day got even better when I got some great news regarding my job search. Yay! Fingers crossed that all goes well.

This week, I had mole and pozole for the first time. So yummy! Mole is made with chocolate and chiles and other awesome things and there's nothing quite like it. And pozole is perfect for those cold winter days when you need some comfort food. Mexican food is just awesome.

I made a difficult decision this week that I'm doing my best to come to terms with. All I can say is that when loss happens, you have to let yourself grieve, but then, you have to move forward because there's a whole world out there, and it misses you.

Random, but does anybody think that iced coffee sometimes looks better than it tastes? haha

I saw Her last night. Really great movie that shows that certain things about love are the same no matter who is involved (an operating system, a human being, a ?).

S.

For this last semester, I've decided that I'll share one cool/interesting/thought-provoking thing that I happen to run across during the week:

Frida's wardrobe

The Spring that was Summer

It seems like all I've had a chance to talk about this semester so far is my study abroad in Florence! I've neglected posts about my daily life here at the dorms and at school. So here's some stuff I've forgotten to post about.

I've been taking some really interesting and challenging classes this semester. In my multicultural literature class we've been talking about hegemony, racial divide, and white supremacy (three of my favorite topics). We're currently reading Twilight by Anna Deavere Smith, a play about the 1992 LA Rodney King riots. I believe that if everyone read this book and Citizen by Claudia Rankine, the world would be a much better place. With everything going on in Ferguson, South Carolina, Baltimore, and even New York, all of my classes have really started to get into this topic of racial violence. I've written a number of essays on this topic in radically different classes. Here's a sample of some of them: for my feminist perspectives on porn class, I wrote an essay comparing these gonzo police brutality videos to pornography; in my classics in feminist thought class, I wrote an essay about the assumptions of criminality projected onto black bodies and the disparate treatment of these bodies by the justice system; and finally, in my multicultural literature class, we're going to write a final paper about the similarities between the Rodney King riots and the current events. It just goes to show how different disciplines can address a single topic in a whole variety of ways.

On a similar note, I have been reading a lot of interesting articles, books, and texts for my classes and they're all so good I just have to share some of them with you guys. First and foremost is the revelation of Borderlands/La Frontera by Gloria Anzaldúa. I'm surprised I knew nothing about border theory until now, as it is so useful in feminist theory. In fact, I read this book for two different classes this semester. We approached it from different perspectives in each class, which was fascinating. Since I'm studying so many different disciplines (philosophy, english literature, women and gender studies), there are so many different theories and perspectives that are cross-disciplinary that help me think of things in an interesting and helpful way. For example, in my philosophy class (revolutions in modern philosophy), we're learning about Hegel's social theory; it helps me think a bit about the 'ideal' or most 'actualized' society and helps me reflect on whether we really live in that society or if it is ever truly possible.

Other books/texts that I've found interesting: Assata by Assata Shakur, Regeneration by Pat Barker, A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf, On the Genealogy of Morals by Friedrich Nietzsche, "Imitation and Gender Insubordination" by Judith Butler, Dora by Sigmund Freud, and The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz.

A lot of people struggle to find the connection between theory/philosophy and social transformation. One of the themes of my multicultural literature class is the connection between multicultural literatures and social transformation. A lot of people struggle with a degree such as mine, figuring that it's useless and esoteric, not understanding the value of theory. Yet another great article I would point those people to is bellhooks' piece entitled Theory as Liberatory Practice in which she explains that dealing with the social realities is important, but theory can aid in transforming those social realities. Changing reality depends so much not only on the laws we pass and the physical change that is enacted, but on the prevailing thoughts and attitudes that we inspire in others, in the tidal wave of thought. So much is changing already on so many fronts, but change is not real change unless attitudes change. Laws have been in place for a long time (nearly 50 years) against racial or sexual discrimination, yet these things happen on a daily basis because attitudes largely have not change, or have at least been pushed underground into more subtle (and, in my opinion, more sinister) forms of discrimination. Discrimination that dare not speak its name.

Sorry to get heavy on you guys (all of my classes really are this intense and thought provoking). One of my favorite classes this semester has been my pornography class. I know what you're thinking: all we do all day is sit and watch porn together, and oh wow that must be so terribly awkward. But you know, it's actually pretty great. It's nice to confront those awkward fears. The first week was all uncomfortable giggles, but my professor is unfailingly fearless in his approach to this class (it's his first time teaching it too!). He really isn't afraid to talk about these topics, and so neither are we. It's refreshing to really get an intellectual take on something you would think is so banal as pornography. There really is enough to talk about for 15 weeks. And it's even better that it's not just about denouncing porn as 100% misogynist or 100% sex-positive; there's some complexity to the subject, and we have to learn to be OK with that ambiguity it and our approach to it. There was a reason this class started with heavy readings of constitutional decisions on the attempt (and failure) to define obscenity. It really pushed a lot of people in the class to realize that there's no one way of being a "good" feminist. Even better, the teacher is really all about learning and stresses the importance of our writings assignments being a learning and exploratory experience, rather than one of assessment or grading. That attitude has really allowed me the space and freedom to take chances in writing something I wasn't totally sure of, just trying out ideas, not being afraid to try and fail. I think this is the best teaching method, one I wish all professors would adopt.

On a lighter note, this spring has become summer quite suddenly. In that vein, I have recently become obsessed (and I mean a real problem for my productivity) with looking for Lilly Pulitzer for Target clothing online and at stores. Target does limited collaborations with one designer every year and they're usually very popular. On April 19th, I lined up outside of my local Target at 7:20 AM to buy some Lilly Pulitzer dresses for cheap ($38 rather than $180?? Yes, please). It was me and 15 other crazy women in Lululemon pants and oversized sunglasses in line in front of me, all crazily caffeinated and shifting endlessly. We all had lists of our must-have items and store layouts in hand. The door opened and we rushed inside, grabbing everything we could off the racks and racing to the fitting room. I grabbed 13 pieces of clothing, but only 3 of them fit right or were worth buying. I got this lace crochet top and pom-pom shorts in a fish print, and a bikini top.

Photos: Target.com

I really wanted a shift dress (something that Lilly is famous for!) but the smallest size they had was a 2, and I'm at least a 0. I unfortunately didn't think of trying out the kids' shift dresses, as they apparently fit people my size (desperately trying to figure out how to do this)! The entire stock sold out in 20 minute, and the website crashed for hours. Now I'm looking to buy some of the kids' dresses, but I'm struggling because I never tried them on and I don't know what they would fit or look like on me. The struggle of online shopping. Sigh. To make it all worse, now people are selling things on eBay and Poshmark for 3 times the price! A $24 dress is going for prices as crazy as $75! Totally shameless vultures who just wanted the profit took away the opportunity for lots of people who wouldn't have the chance to buy regular Lilly to get it at an affordable price. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a bit of a consumerist (my dad, when I went into my parents' room that morning at 6:30 called me "the perfect consumer"), but at least I did it the fair way and gave away what didn't fit me rather than hoarding and selling it for a profit. Just goes to show what capitalism does to our country and moral values. However, I have found a beacon of light in this capitalist darkness: there is a Facebook group where women are desperately scouring their local Targets for items to send to people in different parts of the country who didn't get what they wanted. There may still be hope!

I'll wrap this up since I have a lot of work to do (it's nearing finals week, and I have like 4 papers to write...). I'll post some more soonish/whenever I can get around to it!

You Should Always Wear Glasses or Contacts in the Dorms

And here are the 3 reasons why:

1. Everything is a spider, or worse a cockroach. If it's big enough, it might even be a mouse.
2. You have to get real close to the clocks in the hallways to be able to read them.
3. Nobody is recognizable. But everyone knows you.

Just some late-night humour because I am blind as a bat.

Boys, Thin Mints, Cherry Blossoms

Dear Macblog readers,

There is a boy I've seen around the dorms and he is super cute. Like, we even have a serious fling going on in which sometimes we make eye contact for split seconds, but then one of us always leaves. It's really heating up, but I'm also like, maybe we should move to the next level and find out each other's names. Only time will tell how this will go!!
This weekend I finished the Hunter-Bellevue School of Nursing yearbook. In a reckless play with fate, the history of our school and important memories for the entire class, I submitted it at 11:58 when it was due at 11:59 pm. The yearbook was difficult, tedious, and really really stressful, but I had editors working on it and it ended up not being so bad. However, I do not covet the Editor-in-Chief of a Yearbook position AT ALL. Then again, I did get to ensure good pictures of me went in. lol.
I stayed at the dorms this weekend, a rare event, but I am trying to live out my last days in the dorms by doing exciting things and going places! I've never studied in central park, so I went to a picnic with nursing friends, ate thin mints and strolled among cherry blossoms. I'm glad I decided to because I have been chasing these blossoms for the past two weeks (couldn't go to botanical gardens OR randall's island events) and then they found me! They were in full bloom and it was beautiful!
I didn't actually do any studying, which is pretty problematic for my last 20% nursing test. Not too sure how that's going to pan out...but then again my instagram has more flowers now, so maybe it was 50-50 success?
I went to the Dean's Dinner at her house for seniors! I recommend it for all MHC seniors, even if you haven't met the Dean or talked much with her (I hadn't) it was nice to reflect on our experience and have a forum to share our thoughts and accomplishments, and give feedback. Plus she packed us the leftovers.
Tis all for now. This weather is crazy beautiful. It is making me go out and do things instead of stay in and study! AH! Senioritis why! Only a few more days left!! LESS THAN A MONTH TO GO. MY LAST FINAL IS MAY 20. OMG HOLY CRAP THAT IS  17 DAYS FROM NOW!?!? MY YOUTH IS DWINDLIN?!

Amirah

Quote of the week: "Why all the black ones gotta be at the botoom? See what I'm saying? ITS RACIAL" -  multiethnic lit professor, on munchkins

Impressions, Footsteps, and Last Deadlines

Hi, everyone!

It's a beautiful Saturday here in NYC, and everyone is out and about enjoying it. I'm starting this post as I sit on the train back home from a morning out. The boys who dance in the subway cars are dancing in the car I'm in. Haha. *Hear hip-hop music as you read this*

Last Saturday, I went to Arts Night to see my work displayed. I gave in two pieces. One is called Impressions, and it's a version of a poem that I first wrote during my sophomore year. I remember exactly where I was when I started writing it. I was sitting one of the bridges that connect the Hunter buildings, and I was just looking down Lexington Avenue. That's how the first line came to be. Just me sitting there in between classes looking at the intersections. The rest of the poem came relatively easily after that. It's been sitting on my computer virtually unchanged ever since then until I decided to experiment with it again a few weeks ago. Here is the completed version that I submitted to Arts Night:

My second piece is called Footsteps, and it's a series of 5 photographs taken over the course of nearly a year. Each photo is a story all on its own about that particular moment in time, and as a group, they tell the story of a relationship as it progresses over time. 

All of the photos with the red frame belong to the series. 

After taking photos of my own work, I looked at everyone else's submissions. There was some really great work there and a whole lot of talent. :)

Earlier that day, I had a Mexican torta and yummy cheesecake from Eileen's Special Cheesecake. I've been eating from a bunch of different places this semester, which has made my stomach happy. haha We're truly blessed in NYC to be able to access all this kind of food. 

Last Sunday was my last deadline for The Macaulay Messenger. And we'll be publishing our last edition of the year on Monday. I've been proud to be a part of it, and I hope that it goes on for many more years. :)

Speaking of deadlines, I'm facing my last deadlines for papers ever. And taking my last exams! Ahh.

Yesterday, I attended a meeting at the Macaulay building with a group of other seniors as part of the Senior Class Gift Committee. We discussed the upcoming events for seniors and things that we can do as alumni. The two Macaulay admins who were there also fed us pizza and yummy vegan food from Blossom. haha. Macaulay is the best at feeding us.

I love all things Frida Kahlo so I made this yesterday:

I found this photo of her a few weeks ago and intended to recreate it at some point. Yesterday, I was taking photos of myself in order to upload a new profile photo on Facebook (which I do on the first of every month) so I decided to try to recreate Frida's photo and put my own twist on it. This is now my cover photo on Facebook. I love how it turned out.

Let's hope this sunshine stays around!

S.

For this last semester, I've decided that I'll share one cool/interesting/thought-provoking thing that I happen to run across during the week:

Clothes and cognitive processing